gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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