either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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