Yo dont text me then not text me
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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