oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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