I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
