Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're like the curious george of whores
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
did you just send me my own nude
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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