I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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