The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
