I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I want a musical about memes.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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