i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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