You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
