I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
