Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
