i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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