on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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