Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
