This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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