Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
