I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
