All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls