i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.