remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
