I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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