also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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