She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
