He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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