I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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