Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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