but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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