I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
