Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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