you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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