I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
