just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
