Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
