i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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