Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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