Small penises have feelings too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
