I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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