OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
