Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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