I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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