do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
