Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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