Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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