i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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