OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize