the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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