I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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