TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
