Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize