This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
