Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your penis caused this!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
