I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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