Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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