I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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