My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
