Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
