Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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