I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
im on a boat
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