I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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