Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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