Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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