Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
