i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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