I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
