i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize