this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
